Bullocks - An apology
Yet again here I sit penning yet another apology to the people of this village.
Tuesday the 10th was a seminal day for the North Elmham Community Farm. Firstly, the transportation of seven nicely fattened large black pigs off to slaughter and eventual Sunday roast dinner plates. Which has proved to, not just myself, but all those concerned, that working together we can, even though not as the most educated stock men and women, safely rear and care for our own livestock.
Having said that, ummmm……….and here comes the crux, bullocks are a different matter completely!
Myself and Warren along with Mike the photographer convened at Union Farm to take delivery of three beautiful Red Poll Bullocks. So happy with our acquisition and forgetting all of my farming background I gaily made
my way back to North Elmham, bullocks on board, to release them into their new home, that of the Old Hall meadows in Eastgate Street.
We stood and gazed upon our four legged friends as they slowly and systematically checked out their new home. After an hour or so, happy that they were happy, we all left to go about our lives and leave them to theirs. But they missed their mum, and I had forgotten my training remembering to never release just reared bullocks into a large field. OOPS!!!
That evening whilst enjoying one of the first dates I have had for a long time with a very beautiful woman, talking and walking around Foxley Woods my phone rings and I notice that it is Caroline Payne calling. On answering, my presumption was to be talking of Parish Council affairs and the first meeting, the next evening, of the re-convened council. I was wrong, as I was duly informed that Julian and Dom, Caroline’s husband and son, were now trying to head off cattle as they disappeared off into the sunset. The Payne family deserve medals for their efforts that evening, as does everyone else who were kind enough to come out on to the street to help us slowly but surely retrieve and return them back to the meadows.
It would have been bad enough had this only happened once, but whilst enjoying a cup of tea and chatting to the aforesaid beautiful woman, the same number comes up on my phone! A feeling of impending doom descends upon my brow as, when the connection is made, the phone to my ear and the first and only words that are uttered are “They’re out!” As I look across the table into my partner’s eyes. She smiles at me and says ‘come on, I’ll give you a hand’ – what could I say? It was 11pm, I was tired, it was dark and what hope did I have now of ever attracting this woman into my life again from this evening on. So my reply? ‘Please!’
A phone call to Warren who by this time was probably on his way to being tucked up in bed, and he is mobilised and on his way to the rescue. My friend heads them off at the Worthing Turn and starts to push them back up towards me at the pub. It’s here that we are joined by a few more people, again great thanks, and apologies for spoiling your evening – you know who you are - and slowly we pushed two of the cattle back up the street, to be met by the third one clattering down out of the darkness of the Back Lane, a turn into Eastgate Street and then luckily into TV & Theatre Services yard. WE HAVE THEM TRAPPED.
It’s here where common sense smacked me round the back of the head like a shovel and calling every body to help yet again, I left to get the trailer from the farm and made sure there was going to be no further escapes for our new Community Farm charges.
Now the big apology – I AM SORRY to everyone from Old Hall meadows down to the Worthing turn, who on the morning of Wednesday 11th May woke up to perhaps a few extra pounds of fertiliser and strange footmarks in their front gardens. It is ok, it was only us. Thank you.
Mark Tasker